Little Whim

by DOWNHAUL

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1.
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03:09
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03:58
4.
04:09

credits

released August 31, 2016

Recorded with Kris Hilbert at Legitimate Business in Greensboro, NC.

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Track Name: Fifteen/Eighteen
You moved to another city and started wearing makeup
And I never knew why
I thought one day you'd call me and we would finally catch up
Now I guess I know why

Well, I think I was fifteen
When you first told me you loved me
I didn't understand then
And I sure don't now

Well I can't keep looking at pictures of you and the horrible people
That you now spend your time with
And I cannot keep reading about how happy you are now
Because I can't say the same
But I've got people that need me
they're hundreds of miles from where I am now
It's just not the same
Oh and my sister lives just across town but I'm afraid to call her and I'll let her down
I’ll let her down, yeah I’ll let her down

Well, I think I was eighteen
When you first told me you hated me
I might have understood then
But it does not matter now
Track Name: Old Wood
Something tells me I'll keep dreaming
Of your apartment staircase
And that's because you've become all that
I can hold onto
And that's kind of hard to face

This old wood creaks as I climb down it
And there's nothing left to say
As you wrap your mind around it
And then don't ask me to stay

Intrepid daydreams plague my reasoned judgment
And that makes this harder
I try to ground my expectations as the season chases you home
Two hundred miles farther

But this old wood cracks as the fall wind slams it
You're clutching at your heart
I say I'll call and you demand it
As I beg my car to start

Well, every mile home is another chance for you to give up on me
Of which I think we're both well-aware
Oh, and as I try to atone, at least mentally, for all my deep insecurities
I take a breath of this humid air
And it calms me down
Track Name: Driveway
Your driveway felt miles long that day,
As I tried to put you away
You fixed up the buttons on my favorite winter coat one last time
And I watched you cry

Your front porch hates me
Because I never came back
I hope someday that you see
Everything that I lack

Your hair was short in the front,
I've tried to forget what you always looked like
The sun had set behind your house and I'd never seen you in that
light
As you walked away

Oh well your best friends hate me
Because you've never been the same
And it's five years since then
But I'll still take all the blame
Track Name: Expire
Well I hear rumors about you basically every leap year
It sounds like you’ve done all the things that you set out to
Well I don’t know if I have
And there are times I wish you could tell me
Remind me what my dreams were back when I knew
But six years passed and it somehow seems too soon

Do you remember the shortening days each fall?
Your feet barely grazing our hometown’s worn down sidewalks
It was a picture I could never frame, of a city we would never claim
When I look back, I know I should be proud
But I still flinch when anyone says your name out loud

Oh and if these walls could talk, they’d curse me
And I’m pretty sure they do
Oh and if these walls could talk, then they’d curse me
But not as often as you

Do you still bring a deck of cards to the beach?
Do you still think it’s funny when the ocean wind blows them away?
I remember buying spools of yarn, and then you racing back to my car
Pretending to notice the contrast in shades of teal
These minute differences that only your eyes could feel

Do you still cry each year on your grandpa’s birthday?
I gave his shirts away, but I wore them for some time
They got too small on me, like they were too big for him by the end
I remember you telling me that he was your best friend
I couldn't relate, but I knew I had to pretend

Oh and I still know the phone number to your parents’ house but
I clearly haven’t called in years
Oh and I think my family still gets all of your Christmas cards but
I haven’t asked to see in years

Well did you ever truly believe me?
Or did you know we would expire?
Do you still hate the downtown library
Just because their shelves are higher than you can reach?

Do you still have a house at the beach?

Does your mother still pray for me?

Well, I was cleaning my desk in Stafford when I found the note that
You wrote me freshman year
And although I still don't know how I would respond to it now
Your message is still clear