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Little Whim

by DOWNHAUL

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1.
You moved to another city and started wearing makeup And I never knew why I thought one day you'd call me and we would finally catch up Now I guess I know why Well, I think I was fifteen When you first told me you loved me I didn't understand then And I sure don't now Well I can't keep looking at pictures of you and the horrible people That you now spend your time with And I cannot keep reading about how happy you are now Because I can't say the same But I've got people that need me they're hundreds of miles from where I am now It's just not the same Oh and my sister lives just across town but I'm afraid to call her and I'll let her down I’ll let her down, yeah I’ll let her down Well, I think I was eighteen When you first told me you hated me I might have understood then But it does not matter now
2.
Old Wood 03:09
Something tells me I'll keep dreaming Of your apartment staircase And that's because you've become all that I can hold onto And that's kind of hard to face This old wood creaks as I climb down it And there's nothing left to say As you wrap your mind around it And then don't ask me to stay Intrepid daydreams plague my reasoned judgment And that makes this harder I try to ground my expectations as the season chases you home Two hundred miles farther But this old wood cracks as the fall wind slams it You're clutching at your heart I say I'll call and you demand it As I beg my car to start Well, every mile home is another chance for you to give up on me Of which I think we're both well-aware Oh, and as I try to atone, at least mentally, for all my deep insecurities I take a breath of this humid air And it calms me down
3.
Driveway 03:58
Your driveway felt miles long that day, As I tried to put you away You fixed up the buttons on my favorite winter coat one last time And I watched you cry Your front porch hates me Because I never came back I hope someday that you see Everything that I lack Your hair was short in the front, I've tried to forget what you always looked like The sun had set behind your house and I'd never seen you in that light As you walked away Oh well your best friends hate me Because you've never been the same And it's five years since then But I'll still take all the blame
4.
Expire 04:09
Well I hear rumors about you basically every leap year It sounds like you’ve done all the things that you set out to Well I don’t know if I have And there are times I wish you could tell me Remind me what my dreams were back when I knew But six years passed and it somehow seems too soon Do you remember the shortening days each fall? Your feet barely grazing our hometown’s worn down sidewalks It was a picture I could never frame, of a city we would never claim When I look back, I know I should be proud But I still flinch when anyone says your name out loud Oh and if these walls could talk, they’d curse me And I’m pretty sure they do Oh and if these walls could talk, then they’d curse me But not as often as you Do you still bring a deck of cards to the beach? Do you still think it’s funny when the ocean wind blows them away? I remember buying spools of yarn, and then you racing back to my car Pretending to notice the contrast in shades of teal These minute differences that only your eyes could feel Do you still cry each year on your grandpa’s birthday? I gave his shirts away, but I wore them for some time They got too small on me, like they were too big for him by the end I remember you telling me that he was your best friend I couldn't relate, but I knew I had to pretend Oh and I still know the phone number to your parents’ house but I clearly haven’t called in years Oh and I think my family still gets all of your Christmas cards but I haven’t asked to see in years Well did you ever truly believe me? Or did you know we would expire? Do you still hate the downtown library Just because their shelves are higher than you can reach? Do you still have a house at the beach? Does your mother still pray for me? Well, I was cleaning my desk in Stafford when I found the note that You wrote me freshman year And although I still don't know how I would respond to it now Your message is still clear

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released August 31, 2016

Recorded with Kris Hilbert at Legitimate Business in Greensboro, NC.

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DOWNHAUL Richmond, Virginia

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